


My Mission

by Optional_Orders



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 01:38:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1450537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Optional_Orders/pseuds/Optional_Orders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sergeant James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes doesn't know what to do anymore. Lost and in a wreck, his mind is torn into two: Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier. Needing salvation, there is only one person to confront: Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Mission

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Seasons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1436992) by [ravenously](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenously/pseuds/ravenously). 



> This is my first fanfiction wherein it involves two men. So please bear with my emotions and me.  
> Comments are highly accepted here.  
> Enjoy!  
> -Orders

So I forget  
What I'm thinking  
And oh don't you wanna know  
Is it any easier  
Oh don't you wanna know  
Is it fun to close your eyes  
We're going round and round and up and down  
Turning something inside out

-Bikes, Lucy Rose

* * *

_The Winter Soldier screamed as pain surged through his mind yet those screams were immediately muffled. His hands gripped on to the edge of the armrests. Not hands. Just hand. It was just a hand. The one attached to him wasn’t. It wasn’t him. The hand wasn’t him._

Remember. You have to remember. _He told himself. But what is there to remember if you have nothing to hang on to but your enemies, the liars?_

_The Soldier suffered every second. His mind was being erased. Every detail of his past was disappearing like dust being blown by the wind, merging on the sandy shore of a beach. You wouldn’t know which is yours. The original pieces of the puzzle were being replaced with something of the same shape yet it didn’t match the image._

Sergeant. _He thought. A name popped in his head._ Bucky. _Bu—not Bucky. Who’s Bucky?_

_Voices in his head started to scream. There was a war in his mind. A war between Bucky and the Soldier. And the Winter Soldier was stronger._

_There were blows to his brain. His mind felt like it was being punched. And he couldn’t scream for help. The Soldier couldn’t run away. Where would he run to if he ran? He was alone. All his friends were gone. Nobody was there_

Steve. _A voice in his head whispered._

Steve. _Who was that?_

_Another shock to the mind. Another muffled scream. The more he remembered the more pain he had to endure._

_The man started to panic. He was being separated from the past, the truth. They were creating somebody else. A man with no name. Not a man. A monster. A ghost._

_And with one final scream, the story of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes ended._

_But the spirit still tried to fight back._

* * *

Bucky Barnes woke up, gasping for air. His hands pushed the bed sheets away. Sweating, he removed his red shirt, leaving him just in his brown boxers. Hugging his legs, he started to shiver. The soldier buried his head in between his knees. Pursing his lips, he choked his tears back. The man cursed in every language he knew but mostly in Russian and in English. The Winter Soldier still haunted him. It was still living inside his mind.

It has been months since SHIELD took him in. It took them weeks to restrain the Winter Soldier and let Bucky Barnes take the lead. They did everything to recover information on his past and on HYDRA. Getting information on HYDRA was difficult. Bucky couldn’t even speak straightly. His words were slurred. Bucky would attack them occasionally. Then he would snap and sit back down, apologizing.

Remembering his past was easy. But there were still a lot of spaces that needed to be filled. Luckily, he had somebody who knew him ever since they were kids. Steve Rogers.

Steve Rogers. His friend. His _best_ friend. His brother.

The door swung open. A head peered through. It was the Captain. His hair was in disarray. Steve was clad in light blue pajama pants and a white shirt from the army. “Hey, Bucky.” The soldier nodded. “I heard noises coming from your room. Screams, I think? So, I’m just checking if you’re fine.”

Bucky nodded. “I’m fine. It was just a dream.” His words came out slowly as his mind was still thinking about the memory. Bucky lied down on his bed and heaved a sigh. He faced the wall.

“Well, if you need me, I’ll just be next to you. My room’s just right beside you. I got you’re back, Bucky. I got your back.”

Bucky heard the door close. He sat up and gripped his hair. He took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. He laid his hands over his eyes. One was warm. The other was cold.

Things weren’t the same anymore. His arm was made of metal. He didn’t know who to trust. People feared him. Bucky Barnes wasn’t the cocky army boy anymore. Most of all, Bucky couldn’t look at Steve like the way he used to before. His mind was still a mess. Steve was his friend.

No, he wasn’t his friend.

Steve Rogers was his mission. He had to kill him. He has to kill him.

His mind was going in circles. There was a question in his mind that kept him stuck. _Who is my mission? Who is a threat?_ There was usually a reply. A name. Steve Rogers. Another question came in his mind. _Who can I trust?_ The answer was Steve Rogers.

What was he to do now? He can’t just trust a threat. That was what HYDRA told him. But Steve wasn’t a threat. Steve was his friend. His mind was confused about everything even himself. The name they called him, Bucky, didn’t feel like his name. He knew himself as a soldier. A weapon of mass destruction. He was fear. And he feared himself.

Every time he looked at the mirror, it was always his arm that caught his eye. The light mark of the red star he removed was still seen. It brought shivers to his body. It gave him a headache. It made his heart race. Fear. It ran throughout his body. The fear of the Winter Soldier. The fear of Bucky Barnes. The fear of everybody. All from one arm and an experiment. It was a part of the Winter Soldier’s past. It was a part of Bucky’s past. They were two sides of the same coin. The summer and the winter.

Bucky Barnes wanted the Winter Soldier to go away. He wanted to be normal. He wanted to taste the sun. To have fun. To fight with his friends and not to go against them. To fall in love. To be with Steve.

The Winter Soldier wanted to destroy Bucky Barnes. He wanted to complete his mission.

But there was something restraining the Winter Soldier. A memory.

* * *

_It was all over the news._ _America was now at war. Upon hearing the news, Bucky Barnes immediately enlisted himself in the army. He was ready to fight for his country. He was ready to become a soldier, his dream._

_There was only one problem._ Steve.

_The boy too wanted to be a soldier. But his health pulled him back._

_“You don’t understand, Bucky.” Steve complained as they walked back home. Leaves crunching against his feet. “I want to fight.”_

_“I know, Steve. I know. And I’ll be waiting for you.” Bucky smiled. He draped his arm over the frail shoulder of the boy. “Someday, we’ll be in the battlefield together. We’ll be fighting side by side.”_

_“It’s just,” Steve trailed of as he rubbed his wrists. “I don’t want to be left behind. Every man I know is off to war.”_

_“And someday, you’ll be fighting with us.” Bucky flashed a fake smile. Imagining Steve fighting in the war was a pain to see. He was fragile. He was sick. He couldn’t be fighting there. He’d die instantly. “You see, pal, I got your back. Even though I’ll be miles away, I got your back.”_

_Steve nodded and smiled. “I know, Bucky. I know.”_

_On the next day, Bucky was going away. The two friends stood on the porch, saying their goodbyes._

_“I guess you’d have to put the couch cushions back. I’ll see you in the battlefield,_ _Rogers_ _.” Bucky extended his hand._

_Steve shook it. “I got your back.” He smiled._

_“And I got yours.” The two hugged. Bucky gritted his teeth._ I’m sorry. I’m sorry. _He thought._

_So he walked away. Every night, he prayed for Steve not to get in the army. It was the only way to keep him safe. And knowing that Steve wouldn’t get in gave Bucky a good night._

* * *

Bucky couldn’t sleep that night. There were too many memories popping up in his head. Immediately, he stood up and walked out of his room. Looking around, he walked to the room right next to his. He held on to the doorknob. It wasn’t locked. Slowly, he opened the door.

Steve was sleeping on the bed. He was facing the wall. The soldier only used a third of the space. That was good.

Bucky silently walked up to the bed. He sat on it and lied down. He heaved a sigh. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

The Captain immediately sat up. Finding Bucky next to him, there was a faint smile on his face. “You know, before the experiment, I used to be the one doing that.”

“Really?” Bucky mumbled. He faced the ceiling.

The Captain nodded. “That was when I was shorter than you.”

Bucky groaned and closed his eyes. “My minds a wreck, Captain. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. It’s hard for me to speak. I don’t even know what the truth is and what a lie is. The Winter Soldier, he’s still there. He’s fighting back. I don’t know anymore. Who am I?”

“You’re Bucky. You’re my friend. And I’m not your mission.” The Captain answered without hesitating.

“Then what is my mission?”

“To remember.”

The Sergeant smiled. “Do you think there’s still hope for umm, for Bucky?” He asked.

Lowering his head, Steve placed his hand on his friend’s metal arm. “The fact that you’re here shows that there is still hope. Bucky still lives. Don't worry. I'll be helping you out.”

“And what of the Winter Soldier?”

“Once you get everything under control, he'll be gone. Someday, Bucky, he’ll be out of your sight.” The Captain patted Bucky’s shoulder. “Goodnight, pal.” He lied down and faced the wall.

Bucky rolled and faced Steve’s back. “I-I-I got your back, Steve.” He stuttered. The words had a difficulty in leaving his mouth.

The Captain’s eyes widened. “I know, Bucky. I know.”

In the presence of Steve Rogers, the Winter Soldier started to fade. And the story of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes thrived.

For the first time since the 1940s, Bucky felt alive.


End file.
